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My imaginary friend thinks you have serious issues
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Vegetarian: Native American definition for "lousy hunter". (Oi! I can hunt quite well actually!)
I'm not good at empathy, would you settle for sarcasm?
Life: Sexually transmitted disease, 100 fatal.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away and you have their shoes.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
I smile because I have no idea what's going on.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: The quick and the dead.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Everyone has the right to be stupid- but you are abusing the privilege.
Warning: Trespassers will be shot Warning: Survivors will be shot again
If you can read this, you are in range.
When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
A friend is always there to help you up when you fall down. A best friend is always there to laugh at you.
Life's like a bird, it's pretty cute until it shits on your head.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray...
The trouble with political jokes is how often they get elected.
God creates dinosaurs. God kills dinosaurs. God creates man. Man kills God. Man creates dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat man... Woman inherits the earth. ( Jurassic Park )
Smile. It makes people wonder what the hell you're up to.
Smile... Tomorrow will be worse.
If all else fails, use a bigger hammer.
I dislike prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars, I thought "Where the hell is the ceiling!"
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
I think all humans suffer from an Identity crisis at some point in their life... Makes me glad I'm a rabbit.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
April 1st. The day we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much.
My Karma ran over your Dogma.
Only two things are Infinite: The Universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not convinced about the Universe ~Albert Einstein
I can only please one person each day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
There are three types of people in this world. Those who make things happen. Those who watch things happen. And those who wonder what the HELL just happened.
There are three types of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't.
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Yesterday was a disaster. Today was worse... Tomorrow is cancelled.
I am currently suffering from amnesia and deja vu. I think I've forgotten this before.
Always remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Some cause happiness whenever they go.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
Women who strive to be equal to men are underachievers.
It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living. (Terry Pratchett)
Cell-phone: a way to speak to yourself without anyone noticing.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
There are three ways to do things- the right way, the wrong way and my way.
I may be a skitsophrenic, but at least I have each other.
On your way down the banister of life, may your arse collect tons of splinters.
Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.~Murphy's Law
Well, I was nearly killed three times, fell off a bridge and broke my jaw. How was your day?
No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch.
Remember that some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.
One by one the penguins steal my sanity
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
Unite against togetherness!
Save a tree, eat a beaver
I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?
I'm fat, but you’re ugly. I can diet
Can I get your picture? I collect nature disasters
For all you who talk about me, thanks for making ME the center of YOUR world!
I would tell ya to go to hell but all dogs go to heaven
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Sure, there's no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"
I never apologize! I'm sorry, that's just not the way I am
We'd better get outta here, I think I hear one of those silent alarms
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age
Don't judge a man by his boxers, it's what's inside that counts
What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me
If You Can't Amaze People With Your Intelligence.. Confuse them with your Bullshit
~I knew something was wrong when my imaginary friends wouldn't play with me anymore
~You don't know me, you don't know my style, I'm nothing but an innocent girl with a bad ass smile
I know kung fu, karate and er... 47 other dangerous words
roses r red violets are blue god made me pretty..wut happened 2 u :P
[ ;)Can I get a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas;) ]
[ Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? ]
[ I was gonna kill the sexyest person alive, but then i realised suicide isnt the answer ]
[ im not a girl u can play! if u want one of those go find barbie!!! ]
!*!sIngLe aNd lOoKiNg....WhO WaNtS To Be fOuNd!*!
DON'T.FOLLOW.in.MY.FOOTSTEPS....I WALK INTO WALLS!
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